The last phase of his life had begun in pain and misjudgment. I SPENT the past winter with Tom, bringing him firewood for the shed stove and lunches for his shrinking frame and regularly warming tea for him among his tools, all the while interviewing him for the eulogy he asked me to give when his time ran out. And yet there he was, waiting each afternoon for his son, Ben, a high school senior, to finish his school day so the two could pick up tools and resume the construction of a boat, built on the same lot where Tom and his late father had built countless skiffs before.
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He actually had much less time than that.
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“So right now I’m hoping to make it to Christmas.” “I like spring, summer, and fall but hate winter,” he said. He had dropped to 160 pounds from his former 280 his energy was low, his appetite intermittent, his pain immense. What of strength in the face of something for which there is no prospect of recovery and little potential for good luck, public validation, or high drama? What of the resolve and grace that can emerge when the nature of a new setback itself signals a last act? What of strength as the curtain falls?īy early this year, his disease was in its final stages. That is strength right there, we tell ourselves upon seeing such feats, strength. Some of the celebrated feel-good tropes can be true, too, like that of an athlete who returns from injury, surgery, and rehabilitation to notch new records, or a passerby who risks her own life to pull a stranger from a swollen stream. I’ve known people who found resilience after losing a limb or an eye, surviving a brutal assault or divorce, or weathering public scandal.
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We all have our models: friends and relatives who recover from addiction, manage to thrive while suffering mental illness, or rebound after trauma. “The end of the line.”Īcross the arcs of our lives, many of us encounter strength firsthand. He spoke of it in a tone blending clarity with calm. My thigh is thin until you get to the knee.” He had once been heavy, hearty, and strong.